Around and around in my own head I go.
Wandering of wanderings.
Sometimes I see it so clearly, it’s so obvious.
Sometimes I clearly see I don’t see it.
What is it about him? What is it about me?
What is is it in this world?
Confusion and pain, in this I live.
In peace and death I wish to be.
In tears I drown, yet none I allow.
Because I know to not, not believe, yet endure.
Endure the reality of . . . I don’t know what. I only know what not.
What is not, what it won’t. Be.
Be. It’s all I am. I am me.
I am me and I wander and I wonder and I ask.
Never. No. Not. Always.
Always the same that it is not.
I know. I know. I even know why. But nothing will change.
I will change.
I need to change.