Tag Archives: smile

As I sit here

As I sit here I think of nothing else. Nothing else at all but the one, one and only  – or is it lonely? – thought. The thought, the thought, the thought like a plague that starts small and takes you to the grave. The grave of my soul, the grave of my heart, the grave of my life to end it all. End it all at once, but not my life, but not my soul, but not my heart, but that one lonely, only plague-like thought.

The thought of thoughts, the only one. But multiplying until there is none. None other, no others, not many and not few. An image and smile and then all it’s done. Done forever, done for never, done and done and done again. A cycle that never ends. A cycle, a cycle, a bicycle that goes and goes and never gets there.

A never ending story, a never ending cycle of cycles as it repeats and repeats but is never the same and always . . . always the end. The same end, a different story but along came a spider, a story? A cycle? Again and again I go. First, I was blind, then I was naive, and now with my eyes wide open and my heart cracked and broken. For what else can one thought do if it has already taken my heart and my soul? It has taken all, has taken me and myself and my oxidized heart, in pieces and stitched up.

Stitched up heart, a stitched up soul, a stitched up life. A life made up, a life created, a life lived and now pervaded by one little lonely thought, a life so full, a life so lost and a life yet found. Found a life, found a heart, found a smile and there it is. It is a lonely, little thought that kills me slowly and gives me life. The life of hopeless romantics which I am not. The life of  . . . of those I don’t want to be, the life, the life I don’t want to live.

And yet, I live, I live beyond this lonely thought. I live as if it does not exist and I push and push until is nearly gone. Forgotten it stays until the end of the day,

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Cycling with R

It was a beautiful day in the city, as I looked around I saw the beautiful architecture, the luscious trees and the endless sky. Everything had a metallic sheen that reflected the sunlight with a strange vibrant quality.
I looked ahead and I saw him, R,  smiling and waiving at me. He had his hands on a bicycle, and to my surprise I was holding one too. We were going to ride through the city together, just the thought of it made me smile. Riding through a beautiful city with the wind on my face.
Bike.

Often a bicycle appears in dream when you are trying to balance a number of situations an you are striving to get to a destination that you are trying to achieve your future objectives regarding love affairs. To fall off a bike indicates that you have misplaced situations.
This dream is suggestive of a rather functional attitude towards self-motivation, you probably need to look at balance in your emotions and feelings when encountering a people.
Positive changes are afoot if…

  • The dream is enjoyable and did not involve an accident.
  • You were going on a relaxing bike ride.

Dreaming with butterflies

As I’m sitting in the sun a butterfly zips my way and hits me in the back of my head, it’s a surprisingly big thump for such a delicate light insect.

It is night and I am sitting in the sand, I hear the surf close by but I don’t see it. He is here too I can feel it, I don’t see his face but it is him I can feel his smile, although that doesn’t make any sense.

He is right here but I miss him so much it’s painful. He is standing right next to me but I still miss him. And then, there’s the butterfly, again.

A butterfly in the night.

Then I wake and it’s my cat begging for food.

Gray

In gray skies I dream my dreams,

Of love and loss, of days far gone.

In gray skies I feel the spirit,

Of a man so sad he is bound to laugh.

In gray skies a see a face,

Made of rain, warm bread and a calm smile.

In gray skies,

In rainy days,

A sunless earth full with life.

The Blue Tie

I wanted to arrive early, I didn’t but I arrived just before you did. I looked around but I was so nervous I really didn’t want to find you. I went in and order a hibiscus mint ice tea – as it happens you ordered the same thing -, then I sat outside and decided to . . .  Well, I’m not sure what I decided but I sat and waited and I sweated and got increasingly nervous..

Then I saw you, or maybe you saw me and you smiled and tilted your head.

And you laughed and looked out to the distance and told me about your dog and then you asked for my number but never texted me. Well, OK it was only two days ago. . .