Tag Archives: men

Recurring dream, maybe

I was walking through the streets of a city that I didn’t recofnized. It was busy and bright, full of light and the air was cool and crisp. The morning was just beginning but the people were already out and about.

We were holding hands when suddenly I lost my grip and he disappeared. I never saw him again.

Then there was someone else with me, I didn’t recognize his face, but I knew him. We talked and were familiar to each other. We were looking for something or someone, but I don’t remember.

In love

I love him, I love him so,

I feel his pain as mine, he does not feel mine so,

To wait in vain for him to come,

To conquer his fear, but he does not,

He walks alone, but then I see,

He loves me so? But no, not ever, no . . . 

I endure the pain, my broken soul,

I walk away with my broken pieces nothing more,

To him I went, but no more,

To him, for him my heart yearns so much,

He knows not how deep in my soul he is?

He wonders why I don’t come back to him?

No, he knows not,

No, he wonders not,

No, his fear is his, 

No, my love is mine.

The other one

I had a dream,  a very long dream. Full of sadness and regret, full of poisonous thoughts . . . Poisonous to me most of all.
I dreamed of him, naked on the bed, naked on his living room, naked with another woman. I don’t know who she was, it didn’t really mattered. It only mattered that she existed for him and I didn’t.

Weird dreams and where to find them

I suppose you will find dreams inside your heart and inside your mind.

I dreamed it was night and I was wearing a dark blue nightgown, so unlike me. I dreamed that in the night there was a man, white, tall, muscled and with soft brown wavy hair. He was wearing dark blue pajama pants.

I couldn’t see his face in the darkness of the bedroom, a strange bedroom, our bedroom, but I knew who he was, my significant other. What was his name? What did he looked like?

Change

Around and around in my own head I go.

Wandering of wanderings.

Sometimes I see it so clearly, it’s so obvious.

Sometimes I clearly see I don’t see it.

What is it about him? What is it about me?

What is is it in this world?

Confusion and pain, in this I live.

In peace and death I wish to be.

In tears I drown, yet none I allow.

Because I know to not, not believe, yet endure.

Endure the reality of  . . . I don’t know what. I only know what not.

What is not, what it won’t. Be.

Be. It’s all I am. I am me.

I am me and I wander and I wonder and I ask.

No answer.

Never. No. Not. Always.

Always the same that it is not.

I know. I know. I even know why. But nothing will change.

I will change.

I need to change.