Tag Archives: love

Since you’ve been gone

I wake up alone in the dark now, something I thought would never happen again. I feel the dull ache of not having a partner, but not always, just sometimes. Sometimes, when I think of sharing something funny that happened, or when I read a book that I cannot put down, then I look to my left and . . . you are not there.

Since you were gone I have met someone, and lost someone, and left someone, and . . . maybe met a potential someone. I have found another job, I have moved, I have left old friends and made new ones. I have cried and laughed and  made love and wreak havoc. I have found and lost.

You are gone, but you took so much space in my heart that I forgot me.

Now, there is room.

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Indeed

Indeed the emptiness of not knowing what to write,
The stress of being unable to find the inspiration,
The muse escapes me,
And I go back to my . . . I don’t know what to call him.
Something, because he is something, to occupy my mind.

He has stopped being a person in my mind, he is not an individual.
He is just a thought, a memory, a fall back.
Alone and, let’s face it bored I come back to him.
Life is a circle or a cycle.

He is at the beginning and at the end,
He is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
He is not everything though, nor is he nothing.

Then the flicker of hope,
Like the moonlight through my window,
And I smile at the futility of hope.

The futility of hope,
The cruel and wasteland that is reality,
But yet, I cannot let go of hope.

Hopes and dreams are what keep us alive.
How . . . mundane.
How. . . stereotypical.

And yet, knowing the impossibility of it all I smiled.
Smile when I see him.
Smile when I hear him.
Smile when I think of him.

Smile at my ray of moonlight,
Just as evasive,
Just as surreal.

As the moonlight is only a reflection of the sunlight,
As the moon is cold and the sun is warm,
As the moon is always half hidden.

Yet, I love the moon shrouded in mystery
Yet, I love the silver moonlight
Yet, I love the way I feel because of him

Him, who doesn’t know,
Him, who will never know,
Him, my hope.

Fake Buddha quote

The Buddha once (did not) say: The problem is you think you have time.

All I have is the present, there is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow.

All I have is today.

There is no time.

And so  tell you what I never told you, I tell you what I should have told you.

I love you.

I want

I want to go home.
I want my dad to . . . grow up!
I want my mom to stop working so hard.
I want you to call me and say . . .
I don’t know what I want you to say.

Say something true,
Say something real,
Say something . . .
Say something that will touch my soul,
Say something that will touch my heart.

Make my heart tremble.

I saw you

I saw you today. Did you see me? I am sure it was you though your head was buried in your cellphone. It was you, wearng jeans and a light blue shirt, and a green hat (like a baseball hat but not really).
I did a double take, it has been over ayear I think. But it was you with your dreadlocks in a ponytail (or something like it) and boots not cowboy boots.
Your image is seared in my mind. I saw you, then I felt weird. I remembered how you smell, like cocoa butter, and then for some reason I was very concious that I was wearing a dress and my legs were showing.
Isn’t that ridiculous!?
Do you want to know something curious? I don’t believe in God, but this morning while I was driving to Angela’s I said a prayer, well it was more like a plea to heal my confused soul since I was thinking about both of you and it went something like this “[God] Please send me a sign, any sign I know that something big is unreasonable, just something small, anything . . . That is if you are really out there”
Then, I saw you.
And now I don’t know what to do.
Like nearly always