Slowly we come together, holding hands only in our minds and kissing in the shadows.
Slowly we see each other as we are, and accept maybe not only ourselves.
Slowly we strip and stand naked with our personalities exposed and raw.
Slowly we heal and understand.
We wait, we watch each other expecting the pain.
We wait for the darkness, we see it in the brightest light.
We wait for the deceit that never comes and the betrayal that lives only in our hearts and not each other’s.
We wait for the end, the doom, the proof that our pain is real and it’s not ours but each other’s.
I wonder why we don’t embrace the truth, the light and don’t let go of the shadow of pain that doesn’t exist.
In gray skies I dream my dreams,
Of love and loss, of days far gone.
In gray skies I feel the spirit,
Of a man so sad he is bound to laugh.
In gray skies a see a face,
Made of rain, warm bread and a calm smile.
In gray skies,
In rainy days,
A sunless earth full with life.
She lays in the dark beside him, with her arm around him. I love you She doesn’t say it, it will freak him out. The change has already started and she knows the end is coming, this won’t last much longer . . . Maybe she should say it, what is there to loose? Only him She thinks, but she’s already loosing him and he never belonged to her in the first place. What a terrible thought . . . to belong.
And then it happens. Something so big, something so small. It breaks for everything and for nothing.
It’s just his excuse.
But she never said it and he will never know.
Sometimes I am distracted with life as it happens, sometimes I am not distracted by it and I have time to fee it. Then it comes . . . It can start slowly just like getting out of the cold in a patch of sun, I feel it slowly melting away the icicles in my memories and polishing them until they have overwhelmed me. Other times it comes so suddenly that I have hardly time to realize it.
But every time, every single time it hits me so hard that it knocks the breath out of me.
Helplessness, loss and blackness so deep, a void so . . ..
This is death.