Tag Archives: feelings

Believe him

Believe him when he shows you who he truly is.

He asked me to go to dinner, we are not dating just fucking, just friends.

He asked me if he treats me respectfully, if he treats me right, I said yes.

He ditch me to dog-sit for a friend. He did not asked if I mind, he did not asked if I cared.

This is not respectful, this is not considerate.

“If you would have minded, I would have done the same. I wouldn’t have cared.”

We are not dating, just fucking, just friends. Don’t I deserve respect?

This is who he truly is. With me because there’s nothing else. Not caring if I care.

No respect for a friend, no respect for myself.

He has shown me who he truly is. I believe him.

 

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Slowly we come together, holding hands only in our minds and kissing in the shadows.
Slowly we see each other as we are, and accept maybe not only ourselves.
Slowly we strip and stand naked with our personalities exposed and raw.
Slowly we heal and understand.

We wait, we watch each other expecting the pain.
We wait for the darkness, we see it in the brightest light.
We wait for the deceit that never comes and the betrayal that lives only in our hearts and not each other’s.
We wait for the end, the doom, the proof that our pain is real and it’s not ours but each other’s.

I wonder why we don’t embrace the truth, the light and don’t let go of the shadow of pain that doesn’t exist.

Thinking 

Thinking about those who say I love you,

But don’t mean it.

Thinking about those who don’t say I love you,

But really love.

What is going on inside that heart of yours?
What is going on in that mind of yours?

You cooked for me, we watched a movie, we cuddled, drank wine and had sex. For goodness sake we had ice cream!
And then you turned colder than the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

I understand and respect that bachelor life that you can’t stop talking about,
I wonder who you are trying to convince? You or me?
What I don’t understand is what you do when it comes to me.

Now you’re hot and now you’re cold,
Now you are solicitous and kind, and now you are distant and so far away.

As my advice, you should have sex with someone who doesn’t care,
Who doesn’t care about you and then, they won’t get hurt.
As my advice, you should have sex with someone for whom you care,
Someone you care about and then, you won’t hurt them.

Powerless

I walk through the darkness of my own feelings, guided by the hand of a man who . . . a man whom I don’t know. This realization comes slightly as a surprise, I don’t know him and our closeness has always been  . . . fragile.
I am not in love, I am not in love, I am not in love.
A mantra, my mantra.
Lost, confused, powerless. What can I do to regain my power