Today I dreamed I was on the beach.
Today I dreamed I was on a stage.
Today I dreamed I was playing my guitar.
The sun was shinning down on the beach, the waters were rolling up and down the sand and the early summer breeze blew through my hair. I was there standing in front of a crowd, surrounded by other musicians, guitar in hand. But when I looked down at my guitar the strings were rusted, and my guitar…it looked stained and dull. What happened?
My guitar, my pride and joy, the extension of my soul, my other voice, my solace… Yet, I played, and played, and played…Until this morning.
Sometimes people surprise you and not in the best of ways. I was recently surprised by someone whom I loved once, surprised in a very negative way. We shared a life together once, it seems it was a long time ago and at the same time just like yesterday. That life ended with much pain and suffering, but the suffering still continues . . . I thought the worst was over but he finds ways to keep hurting me, and I just don’t understand why.
He seeks now to tear my heart apart, to destroy my family, to take my love ones away from me. Just the thought of it sends me into a wild sobbing, I can’t keep tears from filling my eyes, and even though I have faith that all be right in the end and we will not be separated I am afraid.
Fear. I choose to live without fear, I said this to a friend once. I choose to live life without fear and we will prevail. We will prevail.
My dear sweet baby Sombra, my baby girl, my solace, my companion, my family and ever presence feline sister through out my ordeal is now, thanks to him (not him but the other him) the center of a legal battle. To be or not to be separated from me, to be torn apart, to be taken from her loving home, to be . . . To suffer the cruelty of men. Her. To suffer the selfishness of men. To miss me as I will miss her.
But hope is not lost and it will prevail! She will remain at her loving and caring home, at my side forever!
I am not angry love, I just wished you were stronger.
I am not angry sweetie, I just wished you weren’t afraid.
Do you realize I never asked you for anything?
It was you who volunteered, always you.
You said I love you (first),
You left her on your own accord,
You defined yourself as mine,
You talked about us,
You talked about home (our home),
You thought about moving . . .
And I? I never asked, never expected, never demanded, I only dreamed. I never had the right to anything, never had the right to you, never had the right to your love.
I only accepted and waited, but I didn’t give in to you. I remained myself and strong. Is that what scared you?
This is he.
My source of pain, my source of love, my inspiration.