This is he.
My source of pain, my source of love, my inspiration.
I wonder what you’re thinking,
I wonder what you’re doing,
I wonder if you’re playing your guitar,
I wonder if you’re singing.
I wonder if you think of me as I think of you.
Wonder, wonder, Wonderland. I’m Alice in wonderland. Alice wondered and wandered, and kept wondering and wandering until…Well, I don’t really remember how she got home but she did. I’ll get there too, I just wondered where home would be?
I don’t know where home would be but I know where it was. Home was there and then, when I had your arms around me, and your voice whispering in my ear and your hair brushing against my cheek.
Your hair in my face, that was my home. The home of Alicia en el Pais de las Maravillas, Alicia who wandered lost and did many things and met many people. She did strange things with weird people, but then again keep it weird or so they say around these parts… But unlike her, even though she is me and I am her, I am not lost. And as my good friend Tolkien once wrote Not all those who wander are lost.
Home, home where are you?
Why do we hope? Against all odds, against reality, against nature even. When our well educated minds and our exercised brains tell us that all is lost. When time tells us that whatever is gone, is gone. When everything and everyone, and even ourselves are against us. Why do we hope? We keep on dreaming and hoping.
Dreaming of impossibilities and hoping for miracles. Dreaming of lives full of light and wonderful serenity, Sunday mornings in bed and nights full of music. Dreaming of dreams themselves. Hoping for miracles, waiting for miracles, working towards miracles. Living life, what more miracles could there be?
We live our lives dreaming. Dreaming is what drives us to continue, to achieve, in the end dreaming is what drives us to live life. Hoping is what gets us through difficult times. Hope for the best, hope for more or hope for less, in the end hope is what drives us to live life. Why do we hope? Why do we dream?
We hope and dream because we live.
Monday would be emotional, I knew that, not only because of you but because of the finality of my divorce.
When I got back in contact with you I wasn’t expecting for us to fall in love so fast, but we did. I love you and you leave me heart broken, but because I love you I want you to find happiness and I support your decisions in looking for and finding that happiness. No matter how far from me those decisions take you.
Why are we the way we are? And when I say we I mean women.
As soft as butterfly wings are his kisses, as sharp as neddles too.
Yet, knowing their sharpness I take them.
As light and void of substance are his words, and as empty as a black hole.
Yet, knowing their emptiness I swallow them.
As cool as ocean water is his mouth, as briny as it too.
Yet, knowing its pungency I quench my thirst in it.
His touch burns me, scaring my skin, searing my heart and soul.
Yet, knowing its heat, I hold him against me.
Why are we the way we are?