I had a dream, a very long dream. Full of sadness and regret, full of poisonous thoughts . . . Poisonous to me most of all.
I dreamed of him, naked on the bed, naked on his living room, naked with another woman. I don’t know who she was, it didn’t really mattered. It only mattered that she existed for him and I didn’t.
I suppose you will find dreams inside your heart and inside your mind.
I dreamed it was night and I was wearing a dark blue nightgown, so unlike me. I dreamed that in the night there was a man, white, tall, muscled and with soft brown wavy hair. He was wearing dark blue pajama pants.
I couldn’t see his face in the darkness of the bedroom, a strange bedroom, our bedroom, but I knew who he was, my significant other. What was his name? What did he looked like?
As I sit in the rain and darkness falls I am surrounded by strangers and I’m one in the crowd. The lights in the city envelop us like an electric cocoon, the sky, somehow seems fake.
I feel alone, somehow. I’m not supposed to be this way, I’m not this way, when did I change? And how can I change back?
I listen to the cacophony of voices , drowning in the nonsensical chatter. Why am I here? How can I find my way back?
As darkness falls I search for my way back.
Sometimes all I can do is cry and wait for the storm to pass.