I wave

I wave but not at you, but you don’t now this so you smile at me. That smile is seared in my mind, in my mind seared forever and ever with all your other thousand different smiles. Or maybe there are just variations of the same smile.
And then I’m up and I’m down, and I’m waiting and NOT  waiting, and doing things that I’m not supposed to and getting drunk and day dreaming and  . . .  Not sure of what I’m doing the rest of the time but it seems to be just in between. In between you, and you, and you again, and then not you.
I nearly miss my bus stop this morning, and I sighed while on the computer today, and I checked myself in the mirror a little bit too much. And there’s a million other things that I do, that I really don’t do, but now I do.
And I quote The Princess Bride and Firefly and, I  . . . think a lot about you and about not thinking about you. I feel contradictions and stomach aches, and I cry and cry and cry for no reason and I wish you wold do something romantic.
Other things too, that escape my mind right now, like . . .  like touching you once, was it your hand or your arm? And looking at your chest of all places, weird. And remembering you without your shirt the day at work when the air condition blew up.
And finally, I’m getting pretty weird generally speaking even more so than usual.


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