Stream of conciousness

It is quite strange what I feel, a sensation, a feeling, alien to me to a certain extent. I am not in love, that I know, but . . . then, what is it? No wish for a future, no wish for . . . For what? Nothing. I want nothing and yet . . . Not sure if anything at all is going to happen, not sure  . . . Maybe we are both too shy to take the first step, maybe more than maybe. Maybe . . .
How to describe it fully, when a myriad of sensations run through my body and soul when he smiles. How to tell him, how to make him understand. Or does he already knows?
I feel helpless.

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