Heart

Heart, my heart.
Oh Captain, my captain.
I am lost, or is it I feel a loss?
This  is total stupidity, so honesty is the answer.
I connect to Skype on regular basis, if only to see if you are available. I am not quite sure why I do it, just to feel close, even if it’s just the appearance of closeness. If only to torture myself, I wonder . . .  And now, there you are. Now what? I wait for the nothingness to happen, or maybe everything or maybe both. It seems destiny or  . . . I don’t know. So close to my trip.
A second mistake is not a mistake, it is a choice. Was it a mistake? No, it didn’t feel like one. Will it be a mistake now, or a choice? Who can really tell.
My body lets me know. My throat closes and my chest hurts, my soul . . . My soul . . .  sometimes I wonder what my soul tells me. I am here sitting in front of my computer looking at a screen name, at an image. This is insane!
But I cannot take my eyes from it. I just cannot bring myself to disconnect.
Am I going crazy?

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