The story began long ago in 1995 when I was 18. October 3rd to be more precise, on a sunny morning on my first day in college when I saw him. He was short and handsome (shorter than me) with long straight brown hair, light skin and brown sweet eyes – or so they seemed to me. – I saw him and I was lost, lost to him, and I remained lost for over 10 years on and off.
My life evolved around him at strange intervals. We were class mates, we were friends, he was my ex-friend’s boyfriend, he was my ride to school, he was my cousin’s boyfriend and finally he was my . . . lover? In truth it was more like a very, very long one-night stand than anything else. Then, I left for the US and never saw him again. Well, not really.
I did see him here and there on my vacations and met him once or twice for coffee. There was a little sparkle, a memory of what once was, but nothing more. Years passed and I just saw him the other day. I cannot say it was by accident since I arrange to meet him for coffee.
We had been texting for a while, and . . . Well, I could feel something but it wasn’t real I know that now, nonetheless I decided to meet him. Our texts were explicit, they were filling a void in both our lives, and now I know I shouldn’t have encouraged him. It didn’t go as planned.
As I walked to his car I saw him and it was utter disappointment. He didn’t look at all as the person I remembered, yes it was still him but something had changed. He had changed beyond himself. He had gained a lot of weight, but it was more than that, he was a different man and I could see it right away or maybe I am a different woman. I got in his car and he immediately leaned over and kissed me.
He kissed me and put his hands on me, he whisper in my ear and the only thing I could think of was how to make it stop. The kiss was awful, his voice so high pitch it hurt my ears, his touch unbearable. He didn’t seem to notice any difference, in fact he wanted more, but I wasn’t the same person as before. I wasn’t the same, we were not the same, there was nothing there but a memory. Finally I have forgotten him.
What the fuck was I thinking!?