Things that I would say to you II

There are so many tings I would like to say to you, so many thoughts that go through my mind . . .
I feel conflicted, and it’s true it has nothing to do with you it has to do with the way I feel about you and the ideas I have of what is best for me, about what is the way I should behave and the way I want to behave at this time (which are not the same).

Even though we hardly know each other, even though we were together for an extremely short time I feel very strongly about you. I feel different, my feelings for you make me doubt the way I think, the way I behave, the way I should be, the way I am supposed to be.

I want to behave in a way that is unlike me, or that it has been unlike me for a long time. I want to be spontaneous and utterly romantic, although it could be seen as utterly disturbing I supposed. I want to leave everything and go to you, and kiss you, hug you, just be with you. I want to literally go back to Rapid City, SD just because you are there. It sounds crazy I know, to me it sounds crazy.

To leave everything for you, a man I just met and of whose feelings for me I am not sure of. It sounds irresponsible, it sounds thoughtless, it sounds like something I told myself never to do. After feeling hurt so many times I told myself I would be strong and put myself before anyone else. I made an agreement with myself of never acting emotionally because of the potential risk of pain, to act logically at al times for my benefit.
Maybe is time to change that agreement and star acting emotionally.

 

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