I had a dream and in my dream I was 16. And like when I was 16 and was a weekend night I was out at pub with my friend Laura.
The night was moonless and dark, and the pub was located at an apartment building, dark and grey amongst a concrete forest. One after another the buildings rose, and one after another the metal exterior staircases forever climbing, stayed atop each other.
I remember little, except running out of the pub, and climbing stairs getting further and further away from the pub, the lights and the noise.
At one point I looked back, hoping he would have come after me, but he had not. It was a revealing moment, understanding then that I had left and no one was coming after me or for me.
As I woke up I thought about this dream and its meaning, that it may be the way my subconscious has to tell me that he is not coming to me, to move on and stop waiting and dreaming. I have moved away, I have climbed stairs, further and further away and up I go. I go in the darkness but still I go up. I know he’s not coming, I know it with all certainty, yet I cannot help but look back at where he’s at and to feel lonely when I hear his laugh in the distance.