The letter I never mailed

After your call on Thursday I knew what your response would be.
On Friday I wrote you a letter.
On Saturday I rewrote you that same letter.
On Sunday I new what I wanted to tell you.
On Monday you didn’t call .
Since you didn’t call your response is crystal clear. Now I really know what happened between us.
I wrote you a letter on Friday. In fact, I have been writing to you or about you for a while now, I’m a bit obsessive that way. Even though I wished with all my heart and hoped beyond all the harshness of reality that you would want us to stay together, I could tell from your voice you would come to the decision not to continue together. It is a tone and a cadence that I have heard before, it has become strangely familiar. It has become strangely comforting.
Monday would be emotional, I knew that, not only because of you but because of the finality of my divorce.
I wrote the letter on Friday because I wanted to be prepared for you.
This is the letter I wrote you:
“I love you and  want us to stay together and see where this relationship takes us. Also, you have my respect in your decision, even though I don’t fully share or understand your reasons. We will miss each other, I know I will miss you. We have great emotional potential for love and I can see a life together for us. But I will not contact you anymore if that is what you want, it will be hard but I will do it. If in the future you want to get back in contact with me I will welcome it, but will be nothing more than an old friend getting back in touch casually.
When I got back in contact with you I wasn’t expecting for us to fall in love so fast, but we did. I love you and you leave me heart broken, but because I love you I want you to find happiness and I support your decisions in looking for and finding that happiness. No matter how far from me those decisions take you.
Thank you for being there for me and I hope to see you in a dream sometime.”
I know, I am such a romantic idiot, with emphasis on the idiot.
Now, after you didn’t call I have a different idea of what happened between us. It was all about you fulfilling your fantasy of having sex with me and once it was done, you were over it and moving on. I made it so easy, it seems unbelievable to me my own degree of stupidity and blindness . . . Well, we grow ad learn.
The problem is I believed you and loved you, may love you still.
Be careful whom you hurt next time, hate to tell you (well, not really) but Karma is a bitch.
A.
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2 thoughts on “The letter I never mailed”

    1. Thank you. It took a few tries until it came out truly honest. Just writing it made me a bit afraid but now it’s out there!

      Like

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