My grandmother died approximately a year ago and sometimes I feel she is still here. I always wondered how long do our elders stay in this world after they die, is it because they want to or is it because we want them to? We cling to them, call to them . . .
My great-grandmother was the first to go on and she lingered for a long time, I could smell her scent around the house, in her room and in mine. My grandfather was next, he wasn’t afraid and he moved on faster, although I missed him greatly afterwards. And my grandmother was last. She still comes back at times, although less and less, her husband and mother waiting for her.
She came back to me last night in a dream for the second day on a row. On the night before last she warn me to get up, she was in my room and pointed to the clock at the night table, I woke up just in time for work. Last night she came back and she was standing in her kitchen, the wood one before she changed it. Maybe she said something to me, I have a vague feeling that she did but I cannot remember what she said.
Sometimes I forget she’s not here anymore and I think of calling her.