In love

You cannot make someone love you.

You just have to let them go.

It is hard and it is painful.

There is only pain and darkness.

Recurring dream, maybe

I was walking through the streets of a city that I didn’t recofnized. It was busy and bright, full of light and the air was cool and crisp. The morning was just beginning but the people were already out and about.

We were holding hands when suddenly I lost my grip and he disappeared. I never saw him again.

Then there was someone else with me, I didn’t recognize his face, but I knew him. We talked and were familiar to each other. We were looking for something or someone, but I don’t remember.

From darkness to light

I had a dream and Anthony was in it.

The dream started dark and hazy and suddenly became light and crisp coolness. It was a New Year’s Eve party and we were inside a bar. The bar was big and crowded and in near absolute darkness, it smelled of people and alcohol, mixed in with perfume and sweat. It smelled like a party smells after is nearly done but not quite so.

A was wearing jeans and a plaid shirt with a gray t-shirt underneath, I don’t remember what I was wearing. Unlike my usual dreams, on this one I couldn’t see myself, but I could see everything from my perspective. We were holding hands and pushing through the crowd, we were together. Then, I lost him, I didn’t have his hand anymore.

We were walking out of the bar, through a long corridor with big rectangular windows to our right and sunlight flooding in. Still we pushed through the crowds when I saw a friend. I turned waved at her and then . . . I lost him, his hand was no longer in mine. I spoke politely with my friend, let her shoe me the outside garden.

Through a door next to the windows we went outside, and saw a tidy garden with wooded flower boxes full with tall leafy green plants. She told me her job was to grow them. I smiled at her, said good-bye and continued to the outside. The garden and the wood patio was surrounded by a wooden wall and as I walked outside I noticed we were on the top of a mountain covered with snow.

There was a down slope where people were sitting enjoying the morning sun, and there is where I found him. Sitting in the sun, surrounded by snow and strangers. I sat beside him.

http://www.dreammoods.com

To dream that you are at a public bar signifies your desire to escape from the stresses of your daily life and retreat into a light-hearted environment where pleasure abounds. Alternatively, you are seeking acceptance in some aspect of your daily life.  The dream may also be a pun on being “barred” from some place or something. You are feeling excluded or held back by circumstances beyond your control.

To dream that you are holding hands with someone represents love, affection and your connection with that person. Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart.

To dream that you find someone indicates that you are identifying new facets of a relationship. You may be taking the relationship to a new level and/or direction.

In love

I love him, I love him so,

I feel his pain as mine, he does not feel mine so,

To wait in vain for him to come,

To conquer his fear, but he does not,

He walks alone, but then I see,

He loves me so? But no, not ever, no . . . 

I endure the pain, my broken soul,

I walk away with my broken pieces nothing more,

To him I went, but no more,

To him, for him my heart yearns so much,

He knows not how deep in my soul he is?

He wonders why I don’t come back to him?

No, he knows not,

No, he wonders not,

No, his fear is his, 

No, my love is mine.

I am in love

I am in love. I’m not sure when it started, although I think I know how, with his smile definitely with his smile.

He is imperfect and he is so guarded with his feelings that he hurts me, not all the time but enough times for me to know that, even though I love him he does not love me.

We haven’t spend time together in four weeks, real time I mean, not just bitching about work in a safe public place. I knew it the moment I told him I was hurt and not mad, the moment I told him he had been inconsiderate and disrespectful that we were done. He never apologized and he never called me back for coffee Sunday mornings or dinner and sex.

He never apologized.

And I never called him back.

I never called him back even though I love him, even though he is in my heart and in my mind constantly. If I did, after what he said to me, I would loose all my self respect and I couldn’t live with myself then.

I can live without him, I can live in pain and sorrow, I can live with my tears and my sleepless nights but I cannot live without self respect.

He told me he didn’t care if I cared. When I was hurt, he didn’t care. Then I knew that even though I loved him and I love him still I couldn’t be with him.

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